Drop Off

“That’s him!” spat out Dave Merrydown with a conviction that couldn’t be ignored.

“You sure?” asked his compadre Gerald Cowan, “He looks really old!”

“That’s him I tell ya” affirmed Merrydown. “He fucked over one of my cousins and his pal six months ago. Poisoned Markie with some sort of doobie that made him shit his pants. That just isn’t right.”

“Well if you’re sure it’s him.”

“It’s him alright…he always wears that same old army jacket. Sometimes he wears an old flat-cap to make himself look older and harmless. Well I know better!” nodded Merrydown.

“So what’s the plan?” asked Gerald. His wide ginger head was hunched down into his shoulders like his neck was away on holiday.

“We’ll follow him out and jump him…no spiked drinks…no conversations…no time for any of his sneaky assed tricks; just a royal fuckin’ up for him!”

“Just you an’ me?” enquired Gerald, still only half convinced of this plan. He’d heard about Markie and his pal; how the old duffer had done a Rambo tap-dance on both of those guys’ arses.

He wasn’t about to get the same.

“No way, I’ve heard that old git is a kickboxer or something. Judo shit an’ all that.”

“What? That old tosser? He doesn’t look like he could kick a moped into life!” Gerald jested, but he knew the story as well as Merrydown did.

“Ah, that’s where Markie went wrong. He under-estimated the old turd…and paid dearly. No…get Cake and Pie on the phone. They’re just up in Walkabout, they’ll back us up – just in case Captain Kung Fu there is a bit too handy with his ninja moves. The four of us will tear him a new arsehole.”

Gerald speed-dialled Andy Proud aka ‘Cake’ and as expected his brother Simon; aka ‘Pie’ was with him.

Gerald quickly explained their plan of arse-kickery

“Piece of cake!” declared Andy.

“Easy as pie!” seconded Simon.
They had heard this hokey catchphrase in some B-movie years ago and had been using it ever since, sometimes shortening it down to ‘Cake and Pie!’
Ten minutes later and just as the old dude in his faded green army jacket was preparing to leave the Golden Lion, Cake and Pie arrived.

“So who we fuckin’ up then?” asked Cake, buoyantly.

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